surrounded.

I can't wait to go home, where people I surround myself with are rational.

where people don't get upset over dumb things.

and dumb things don't upset me.

and where loyalty means something.

psycho killer

I am on the events staff at the radio station at Hartford. I wanna get real serious with this and bring shows back to school. I think it could potentially be a really good thing.

oh yeah.

bad scene-everyone's fault

I found the futility of my problems in the lyrics to a jawbreaker song.

Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19)

You have reached your limit dealing with people who are not willing to acknowledge their feelings. But don't jump to any conclusions, for it's possible that you misinterpreted someone's attempt to reach out to you. Sometimes, you can be so goal-oriented that you miss a more subtle communication. Take the time to sink into your emotions before accusing others of avoiding theirs.

pretty accurate.

King Eternal

It was good seeing Meghan. I miss her a lot, sometimes I feel like she was what kept everything balanced for me up here.

I got good advice the other day. It is advice I have heard before. but I took it to heart this time. Here's to hoping that it makes a change.

WHAT I MISSED THIS WEEKEND:
joke falling down.
10 people falling down on each other and on a kitchen table.
kitchen table slides.
ecstasy on a big bed.
the forest in my living room.
walking around the village depressed.
manakin destruction.

What I needed:
To get away from school, hang with new people, being happy whilst drunk. Being a random person instead of being judged by people who have known me long enough to have made assessments about my character.

I got what I needed.
bummer I missed all that good stuff though. even though some of the stuff I missed was just sarcasm.

Possibilities.

As I was walking to my car tonight, I overheard a girl and some guy yelling at each other from across the quad today. She was saying, "It'll never happen, ever." and he was responding, "oh yeah? what about that time freshman year? it already happened in the past."

I wonder if It really happened. I wonder if she remembers. I wonder what it was. I wonder how it was. I wonder if he's lying. I wonder. So many possibilites.



On another note.
Isolation Attempt #2: Targets.
Not going to isolate myself from everyone, just a select few.

Sun it rises.

Who knows what's going on these days. I'm stuck in a routine for one of the first times in my life. Maybe I am growing up. I'm usually just hang around my house trying to figure out what I am to do with the rest of my life. I got a zero on an electronics test the other day, due to lack of communication, and lack of work ethic. I have to work harder in school, I have to graduate in 2 and a half years, we've spent enough money.

I've been trying to do my own thing lately, which is sometimes forced on me by friends who are too busy doing their own work. Ahhh, why do I have so much freetime, while others have too much work.

I started playing guitar again, and I am going to put a bigger effort into teaching myself drums. While also trying to dig myself out of the academic hole that I have fallen into these past months. It's going to be a hectic month.

All I really want to do is go home, to a warm, clean house, with my family, and that one other little opportunity. It's going to be nice to get a break, but after my dad sees my grades, will it truly be a break, or a search for job due to my forced dropping out of college. I guess time will tell.

Final Note: All of my roommates are growing facial hair and it makes me wonder what it would be like. Would I picture myself with that extension of my face, or would I keep picturing myself as I am now? Strange. Who do you think?